Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
