And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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