Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
