When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
