Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
