Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
