look no pants
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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