You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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