We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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