sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
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Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
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so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible