Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.