last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.