Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
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While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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