Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags