Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You can't motorboat a personality
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.