Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(612): View more from Minnesota

im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.

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(815): View more from Illinois

im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.

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(661): View more from California

The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(317): View more from Indiana

His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.

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(360): View more from Washington

I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!

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