Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.

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  (818): She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on. http://tfl.nu/3dyc
  Replies (31) Good night (985) Bad night (9804)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Don't worry. I has chaperone.

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  (270): Don't worry. I has chaperone. http://tfl.nu/r0c5
  Replies (24) Good night (6255) Bad night (1312)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"

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  (269): its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot" http://tfl.nu/fb26
  Replies (11) Good night (5248) Bad night (1017)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob

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  (406): you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob http://tfl.nu/ha8t
  Replies (9) Good night (2982) Bad night (990)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite

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  (250): I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite http://tfl.nu/yccl
  Replies (4) Good night (1254) Bad night (1302)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!

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  (862): I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands! http://tfl.nu/blis
  Replies (33) Good night (6531) Bad night (1445)
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  (650): View more from California

  Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it

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  (650): Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it http://tfl.nu/zs3i
  Replies (8) Good night (3164) Bad night (1234)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?

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  (203): We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate? http://tfl.nu/bazj
  Replies (10) Good night (698) Bad night (474)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.

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  (314): My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine. http://tfl.nu/qh5s
  Replies (2) Good night (1250) Bad night (476)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.

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  (952): I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous. http://tfl.nu/ct4x
  Replies (1) Good night (937) Bad night (397)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.

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  (570): I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls. http://tfl.nu/xtaz
  Replies (6) Good night (413) Bad night (691)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.

  (1-519): View more from Ontario

  She won. Twice.

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  (519): Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition. (1-519): She won. Twice. http://tfl.nu/gb3x
  Replies (3) Good night (917) Bad night (449)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.

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  (972): I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs. http://tfl.nu/tu0n
  Replies (1) Good night (1258) Bad night (242)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.

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  (651): Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain. http://tfl.nu/p4di
  Replies (9) Good night (315) Bad night (892)
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  (650): View more from California

  Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.

  (415): View more from California

  Retirement sounds fun.

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  (650): Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea. (415): Retirement sounds fun. http://tfl.nu/wuz3
  Replies (2) Good night (530) Bad night (365)

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