you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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