I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Some milfs here doing some blow
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager