her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.