theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.