Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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