tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
