remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
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Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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