I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
