Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
