id be glad to
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
