I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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