Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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