The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
