Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
