i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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