I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
