I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
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He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
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I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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