Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
