I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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