oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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