I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
