Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
