I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
