She is in my trunk
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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