Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
soo... how was my night?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
