I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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