So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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