Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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