Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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