having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
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i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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