I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just high enough for therapy.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize