I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
