I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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