I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
