I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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