just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
