she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
