i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
