Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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