I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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