We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
