At least make sure they are 18
Why
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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