ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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