Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
