He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.