it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.