Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.