i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
