You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize