OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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