His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
