So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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