I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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